


The secret travel companion

by alexisriversong



Series: COWT 2019 [16]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Dream Sex, Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, Mind Sex, Sad Ending, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 10:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexisriversong/pseuds/alexisriversong
Summary: River has been following Clara through life after meeting her for the first time, the link between her and the woman had never faded. River watched over her, until the very end.





	The secret travel companion

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the COWT challenge by Lande di Fandom  
> Prompt: Nostalgia, TV series

River was crying, it wasn't something she was used to but she was definitely crying. She had said goodbye to his beloved Doctor, she felt something in her head that was not there before. She checked passing her hands in her curls but found nothing. She could still feel some pressure to the side of her head though. She decided it was in her head though, nothing to worry about, she was busy crying the loss and the loneliness of her situation. Her friends locked in the library with her had somehow grown up, get old and died though it was supposed to be impossible for them to. She hadn't changed that was why she had gone around following him for such a long time. She had no idea he had been able to see and hear her all the time. She shook the tears away and then she noticed the weight at the side of her head again.

It was like something was trying to catch her attention at the corner of her brain. She searched in her own mind and found something new, like a door to somewhere different than where she was and she knew that it was something as similar to a way out that she could get. She opened the door and found herself in Clara's head, the link that she had made with the girl in Trenzalore was still open. That girl seemed to have a lot of funny thoughts. About herself, about the Doctor, about the world, about the universe, about the past companions of the Doctor, it was quite funny to peek at them. It wasn't a very good thing to do but she needed something to distract herself from her thoughts and that was the best option she had. She was glad to be able to be part of the Doctor life again, though it was just through someone else mind.

She passed her time observing Clara's memory and looking at the word through her eyes, almost losing conscience about the fact that she wasn't Clara. She observed the Doctor grab a fez in the under gallery of a museum "Someday you can just walk past a fez" Clara said. River almost chocked, it was her thought! Clara didn't seem to notice the fact that she had never actually seen the Doctor with a fez before, she may have thought it was some thought that had come by all the visits she had done to the Doctor time stream to save his life and so did him because he answered nonchalantly. "Never gonna happen" River realized that he had a stupid satisfied grin on his face when he passed near the girl. River decided that it was not her business what was happening there. She knew what was coming, he had told her when she was still alive, he had told her about that day.

She smiled and went back to the library database, leaving Clara's head alone for some time. She had never minded about privacy but she knew that Clara hadn't seen much of that day and she had to try to do something about her situation. She had tried everything to get out of the database but it seemed to be impossible. She sighed, Clara's head was still the only link to real life that she had so she decided to go there again. It was good to see the tenth reincarnation of the Doctor again. The only time they had met was when she had died for him in the library and he had saved her on the database. She missed her husband more than everything else. She kept observing him until Clara got in the TARDIS, leaving him alone with the painting of his planet, "Gallifrey falls no more", she knew he was going to dedicate the rest of his life to find the way to have his people back.

The Doctor left Clara in her hometown after the adventure and River observed how she resumed her normal life. She seemed to have found a work as a teacher now and she seemed to enjoy it a lot, she seemed to like children in every life she had, it was interesting to be in her head, it was so different from her own. The Doctor came to see how Clara was doing two times after the adventure he had with his other selves. River noticed how time was not good for him and how he was growing older and older, she could see the dark shadows under his eyes and the wrinkles on his face, his twelve year old face was not that young anymore. Clara seemed not to notice those details but River knew him better, he was her husband after all. Probably he was around 2000 years old when Clara meet him for the last time.

During the periods of time when Clara was on her own, River began to get into her dreams, it was fun to have someone to talk to. Probably it was not fair to the girl, she had begun to have quite some fantasies about her, not that she minded, she was almost pleased by her having such thoughts about her. The petite brunette was intelligent and had a clever mind, River never got bored of being in there all the time. When she wanted to give Clara some privacy she went back to the library and read about the time lords and all the species around. She had developed a program with whom she could live the books, instead of just reading them and it was a very interesting hobby, especially without another way of travelling or passing her time.

She went back to Clara's head during the night, just to talk with her, or kiss her, or be with her in her dreams. It was just a way of releasing the tension, after all, what else could she do? She still had some necessities even though she was physically dead. She shook her head, she was going to become crazy on her own, she just wanted to die and leave that place. She sat on the grass. It was always too green, obviously done by a computer, it didn't even seem as real as before. Why was she the only one that had not aged in there? All her friends had aged and died, also the children. She rested her head on her knees and cried in frustration.

When finally she decided to get up from her position on the grass, River opened the door to Clara's head once more. She had no idea how much time had passed since last time she had gone there. River had been crying, trying to get rid of every thought, losing herself in the books of the library, searching for a solution to her situation without finding anything. Clara's mind welcomed her like an old friend, it was almost like coming home. River smiled at the thought and observed what had happened to the girl since last time. She found the girl memories of her everyday life and played them like a movie. Nothing particularly interesting. She began to pay attention to what the girl was actually doing. Was she preparing a turkey?

Christmas! River smiled, she had always loved that holiday, she used to pass it with her parents in Leadworth and sometimes the Doctor joined them, always happy to receive a present, he loved presents. She smiled at the memory. She observed Clara call the Doctor and asked him to be her boyfriend for Christmas dinner. River smiled fondly at his blabbering on the other side of the phone. She observed happily everything Clara did until the TARDIS landed on her garden and she saw the Doctor again. She laughed, he was naked! She looked at him fondly and smiled at Clara's reaction, probably seeing the naked body of the husband of the woman you had sex dreams about wasn't exactly the best thing.

River chuckled when he explained about the Church. How came that she hadn't thought about it when she was still alive? It took her so may time to get him naked for the first time. She could just have told him they had to go to church. She had got lost in her thoughts for a bit and when she looked again through Clara's eyes she noticed that they were now inside the Papal Mainframe and Clara was staring at a Silent. River was suddenly aware of what was waiting them and run away from Clara's head, she didn't want to see. She knew that his husband was going to die. They were at Trenzalore, he was going to die. She knew he had at least another regeneration, she had met him once.

She tried to remember the encounter, he had appeared during one of her operations and she hadn’t recognized him at first. He had then taken her to Darilum and they spent so much time together, she knew that was goodbye. He was stiff and hard to love, not as touchy feely as before, but she still loved him with all herself. She still did, even if she had fallen a bit for Clara too, she was never going to stop loving him.

When she was finally able to find the strength to look into Clara’s mind again, she found her gripping onto the TARDIS for dear life while trying to go back to Trenzalore, he had tricked her. She tried to help her survive the journey and saw him old and grey, not the way he had been during their last time together. It was his young faced love, the one she had married, old and gray like she would never be, stopped in the moment of her death in the Library’s mainframe. She saw him regenerate, wanting to cry. She couldn’t stay anymore.

She didn’t get back to Clara’s memories for a long time after listening to his parting speech. She had no idea what was happening to him or Clara, she didn’t want to know. When she finally caved and went back to Clara’s mind, she saw her die, make the Doctor forget about her existence and started traveling the world with Ashildr.

It was only in the moment Clara had decided to go back to Gallifrey the long way round that she knew. As soon as Clara died, she was dying with her. She was not going back to the Library to live the rest of her life alone.

Clara took a really long way around. They had many adventures in the meantime. It was fun. She tried to live with her instead of through her and she made contact several more times, even if she was unable to sleep now and couldn’t dream. River never told her that she was real, only suspected probably.

When she was in Gallifrey again, the timelords kept their promise, it was not painful. One moment they were there, the next they were gone. No more. River went with her then, switching off the library from afar. That’s how the Doctor knew. River Song was dead and so was Clara Oswald, even if he couldn’t possibly know the two instances were related. Afterwards, there was only peace, she didn’t exist anymore. All was right in the world around them, no one but Ashildr and the Doctor missing them.


End file.
